Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Staying in Hostels

If you're like me, hotels in Europe are way out of your budget. As such, you will he staying in hostels with all the other young people. These will set you back between $30-$45 per night, and will at least get you a bed and a locker. After that, additional extras are a crapshoot. You could wind up in a place with amenities akin to a hotel (like free breakfast, comfy mattresses, a fun bar, ample power outlets, reading lights, etc.). You could also wind up in an old, run-down spot with no extras. Here's some tips to avoid the latter.

The internet is a lyin'-ass bitch. Hostel websites like hostelworld and similar give their hostels a bunch of fake ratings to improve the scores. These are probably the ones where a place gets all top ratings with the comment "Great place, had nice time, would stay again". They are not without merit though, as people do leave complaints on them. While some are clearly from spoiled little bitches expecting everything to be like it is when daddy takes us to the Ritz, some will have accurate complaints (maybe the neighborhood is kind of shady, or the staff is dysfunctional, or it's really beat up). The websites for the hostels themselves are absolutely untrustworthy. The pictures on them were taken when everything was new and clean and working, which may not be the case when you arrive. Also, they have been known to either lie about amenities, or remove them and not bother changing it. My hostel in Berlin (the Heart of Gold) was guilty on both counts (it's frustrating to see their info in the lobby clearly stating they have a laundry room only for the guy running the place to be like "nope, we took that out a while ago"). However, travel guides (like Lonely Planet or Rough Guide to Europe) are reliable. The places I've stayed that my guide reviewed have been as advertised. They have also been nicer than the ones not in the book.

Every hostel is going to have a niggling fault or two. Maybe the wi-fi only works in the common area. Maybe the air conditioning is unable to handle the European... well, whatever season this is, it's not really summer, because it's only in the low 80s. Maybe it's not quite within walking distance of the city center, or it's kinda noisy. Whatever. The big things you want are clean bathrooms, a clean bed that isn't uncomfortable, a bar in the hostel, and at least one power outlet per person in the rooms. The place I just stayed in Venice failed at all of these, and was a 10 minute train ride from the lagoon to boot. However, you can't pay €25 per night for a hostel in Venice. Also, the hostels there are rumored to be in similar condition, since they will be full whether they are pristine or not. If a place does fail, do nothing but sleep there.

Hostel bars are among the cheapest places to drink, if not the cheapest places in town. They're also full of other hostel guests, who are young people from all over. As an American, you will mostly meet the Brits, Aussies, and Canucks (AKA Team English Speakers), but plenty of other people are fluent in English, and you'll meet them too. Be friendly, and go hard.

Hostel breakfasts, on the other hand, are sort of a ripoff unless they are free. Most places charge around €4. This will get you all of the croissants and cereal you can eat, and all the coffee you can drink. Instead, look around the neighborhood your hostel is in. There is probably somewhere you can go to get a breakfast sandwich and coffee for under €3. You can use the extra money you save for more booze.

Also, bring a small lock (my big masterlock is too fat to go through some of the lockers) and a towel. If you forget a towel, just buy one. You don't want to have to keep paying to rent them.

If you are travelling with somebody you don't want to bang in front of an audience, you can rent private double occupancy rooms for between $75-100 a night usually. If you do want an audience, book a double room and invite people to watch you two bang. It's usually prohibited in the dorms, and is considered an extremely ratchet thing to do. Also, nobody wants to drink with the people who kept them up half the night with their amorous antics.

That's about all I got. Ask me any further questions via social media.

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