There are two main things people like to do when they visit London. The first is to shop at stores that aren't in their hometown, and the second is to look at royal stuff. We hadn't done much of either, but today we did both. First, we went to buy some clothes at Zara (a clothing store from Spain) and Uniqlo (Japan). Zara was mostly a waste, as much of their clothing was either way too aggressively styled (who the fuck uses pleather for one sleeve and a swatch of the upper torso?), or cut way too slim (I'm not as skinny as I used to be, but their slim fit shirts were almost skin tight, and they had ultra-slim fit shirts for people who get blown over in slight breezes or something). I wound up with a pair of summer weight pants from there, and a slightly bruised ego. Uniqlo was much better. They make all kinds of clothing at reasonable prices, but get collaborations from people who are pretty well known. I got a t-shirt with a Basquiat painting on it, sweater, and button down so I can look more grown up or something. My mom found a few things in the women's department that she liked.
After that, it was on to the Tower of London. We got a tour from one of the yeoman warders who live at the Tower. In the old days, the warders were prison guards, torturers, and real fighting men. Today, they are tour guides... with at least 22 years of service in Her Majesty's armed forces. They know a lot of the history of the place, which was a prison for lords, ladies, queens, saints, and even the odd Nazi or two, and the site where the all met their end by axe or sword. The warders can also explain how the events that led to people getting sent here wound up as nursery rhymes. Humpty Dumpty is actually about the defeat of Richard III Crookback. Three Blind Mice is about three Anglican bishops put to death by Queen Mary I for conspiring against her to put Lady Jane Grey on the throne. Mary Mary Quite Contrary is about the aforementioned Mary Tudor changing England back to Catholicism from Anglicanism (it didn't last). Of course, the Tower is also home to the Crown Jewels of Great Britain. These are the most ridiculously ornate and blinged-out pieces of jewelry ever. There are thousands of carats of gems on each piece, with some individual stones hundreds of carats in size. Most of it hasn't been worn in exactly 61 years (since today marked the 61st anniversary of Elizabeth II's coronation). There's also the stuff used for the Coronation banquet, including a meter-wide golden punchbowl, and flagons that could hold two liters or so of punch. The Tower also has a bunch of ravens, who are said to herald the downfall of the crown if they ever leave. To protect against this, the warders engage in what is known as "cheating like motherfuckers". The birds wings are clipped so they can't fly away, they are fed plenty of meat and bloody bird biscuits to keep them fat and happy, and about 4 at a time are kept in cages to make sure they can't somehow walk out of the Tower, have a pint at a nearby pub, and get stabbed by a chav. Thus, the Tower is pretty much guaranteed to have ravens until the end of time. We then went on to Brick Lane, which is the center of the Indian community, for a dinner at one of the several kajillion Indian restaurants lining the road. After that, I engaged in the popular British activity of gambling on sports legally. I put £2 on the Cardinals to win by 2 this evening, and a winning bet will pay £4.90, which should buy me one last pint at the train station before we catch the Eurostar to Paris tomorrow.
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